Had to pospone my trip to the caribbean due to a project I just
got so it looks like I'll be going away next week...



here is a little something
I laughed out loud. Sorry, but I have that kind of humour.

Merry Christmas!!!

Mean Santa

deer santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend,
BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.. How about I
send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving
your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace
and
joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy
and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane.
Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid, fat
mom,
who rides his a$$ constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me
get
you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a family with
those?
Santa

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum
kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your
reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the $hit$ and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words: Jim Beam.
Santa

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China . Every year I
give
them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas,
where
I spend most of my time making low-budget p0rn0 films. I unwind by
drinking
myself silly and squeezing the a$$es of cocktail waitresses while losing
money at the craps table.
Santa
P.S.
Tell your mom she got the part.
Wink Wink Claus

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
like in the song?

Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping
your house.
Santa

Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE
could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging $h*t may work with your folks, but that crap don't
fly with me. You're getting an ugly sweater - AGAIN.
Santa

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting you're
a$$
kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent, apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like all
the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

Ok kiddies Jackie's back...sorry I was gone so long - busy life
here, between work, family, lovers, friends, partying, traveling...who has time to be in front of a computer anyway, I am doing very well, life is just
peachy - I'll be going to the Caribbean
for a week of wonderful relaxation which is well needed.


I got this from a friend and it is oh so true...
"I New York"

YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM NEW YORK WHEN...
Body: YOU'RE 35 YEARS OLD AND DON'T HAVE A DRIVER'S LICENSE.

YOU GET READY TO ORDER DINNER EVERY NIGHT AND MUST CHOOSE FROM THE MAJOR FOOD GROUPS WHICH ARE: CHINESE, ITALIAN, MEXICAN OR INDIAN.

YOU RIDE IN A SUBWAY CAR WITH NO AIR CONDITIONING JUST BECAUSE THERE ARE SEATS AVAILABLE.

YOU TAKE THE TRAIN HOME AND YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHERE ON THE PLATFORM THE DOORS WILL OPEN THAT WILL LEAVE YOU RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE EXIT STAIRWAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT A "REGULAR" COFFEE IS.

IT'S NOT 'MANHATTAN' - IT'S THE "CITY".

THERE IS NO NORTH AND SOUTH. IT'S "UPTOWN" OR "DOWNTOWN." IF YOU'RE REALLY FROM NEW YORK YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CONCEPT OF WHERE NORTH AND SOUTH ARE.... (AND EAST OR WEST IS "CROSSTOWN"!)

YOU CROSS THE STREET ANYWHERE BUT ON THE CORNERS AND YOU YELL AT CARS FOR NOT RESPECTING YOUR RIGHT TO DO IT.

YOU MOVE 3,000 MILES AWAY, SPEND 10 YEARS LEARNING THE LOCAL LANGUAGE AND PEOPLE STILL KNOW YOU'RE FROM HERE THE MINUTE YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH.

YOU RETURN AFTER 10 YEARS AND THE FIRST FOOD YOU WANT IS A "REAL" PIZZA.

YOU'RE NOT THE LEAST BIT INTERESTED IN GOING TO TIMES SQUARE ON NEW YEAR'S EVE.

YOUR INTERNAL CLOCK IS PERMANENTLY SET TO KNOW WHEN ALTERNATE SIDE OF THE STREET PARKING REGULATIONS ARE IN EFFECT.

YOU KNOW WHAT A BODEGA IS.

SOMEONE BUMPS INTO YOU, AND YOU CHECK FOR YOUR WALLET.

YOU DON'T EVEN NOTICE THE LADY WALKING DOWN THE ROAD HAVING A PERFECTLY NORMAL CONVERSATION WITH HERSELF.

YOU CRINGE AT HEARING PEOPLE PRONOUNCE HOUSTON ST. LIKE THE CITY IN TEXAS.

THE PRESIDENTIAL VISIT IS A MAJOR TRAFFIC JAM, NOT AN HONOR.

YOU CAN NAP ON THE SUBWAY AND NEVER MISS YOUR STOP.

THE DELI GUY GIVES YOU A STRAW WITH ANY BEVERAGE YOU BUY, EVEN IF IT'S A BEER.

THAT'S NEW YORK, BABY! YA GOTTA LOVE IT.

(AND, IF YOU ARE A TRUE NEW YORKER, POST THIS FOR EVERYONE WHO IS LIKE YOU...)

Well you all have a wonderful weekend!

I am ready for a martini!